The Origins of Feminine Flow

I grew up cross culturally, to parents of immigrants. As a mixed child, I never quite fit in especially in my early childhood living in a small town, and felt a lot of shame, especially around body standards.

Being told to be a quiet, nice, and modest as girls in Asian culture often are told, I always let others walk all over me. Combined with the shame I felt for being different, I had really low self-esteem as a child.

One of my earliest memories was looking in the mirror and feeling sad over not being pretty or skinny enough, like the little American girl scout girls in my class. I felt this way for most of my life, leading to me over-identifying with my physical strength after joining gymnastics, being a tomboy and I dismissed my femininity for a really long time. I pushed away and dismissed feelings, especially as a teenager, not believing that anyone would like me, so I focused on my academics and staying busy with a hundred extracurriculars in high school.

Over the pandemic, I began exploring movement and improvisation, which made me feel free and finally able to express myself in a different way, and at 18, when I left LA for the UK, I chased my passion for dance alongside my academic degree and started training in various dance styles, including salsa, bachata, commercial, hip hop, and Afro street styles.

However, around this time, I went through the grief of a friend’s overdose, which led me to spiraling into anxiety and anorexia - which upon later reflection, was going to happen sooner or later after years of struggling with my body.

It came to the point where I was struggling to gather the strength to walk, much less dance. I was determined not to let these hardships get in the way of my life - whether that be dance or my degree. With lots of discipline, I slowly gained back enough strength to step back into dance class. I attended my first heels dance class, which is where I started relearning to love myself. It helped me accept my femininity which I had ignored for so long, bring out my natural sensuality that I was so ashamed of exploring due to my culture, and finally express myself with confidence.

While I was still in recovery, I experienced a toxic relationship which knocked my confidence again. My then-partner would make me feel ashamed for what I wore, for dancing socially, and exhibited irrationally jealous, possessive and mentally abusive behaviour. Months in, I recognized this childhood pattern where others dictated my life, would make me feel not good enough, and stepped all over me, all rooted in my lack of self-worth. I refused to let the pattern play out again. I broke it off to finally give myself permission to be my most confident self without need for external validation.

While rebuilding my confidence again, I promised myself this time it would be for good. I became invested in mindfulness practices, meditation, breathwork, shadow work, holistic practices, and yoga, all of which helped me create lasting change in my life, alongside my development in feminine, sensual movement and heels dance. I also began teaching heels workshops for women for their empowerment.

My journey to becoming the most authentic version of myself inspired me to create a space bringing all the practices that I personally used, to help other women do the same for themselves, and to make these methods accessible to all women regardless of where they are in their movement journeys.

I am so happy to be where I am now to be able to help other women face their struggles with self-esteem, cultural stigma and taboos, toxic relationships and friendships and other challenges that can be overcome through consistent internal confidence-building wellness methods and expressive movement. And I am so happy that you are here, showing up for yourself.

Lucie xx